I don’t know about you, but I constantly hear people say things to me like, “Don’t you just wish you could push the pause button?”, “Enjoy them now while they’re little,” “Before you know it, they will be in college,” yadda, yadda, yadda. For the longest time, I just rolled my eyes behind the backs of those who said things like that. (so mature, I know!) But the more people said it to me, the more I allowed it to permeate my thoughts and my perceptions of my little ones. I started to panic a little if I were to be completely honest. I would read blogs about how to enjoy children in the present. I would read quotes about never getting this day back again, and I would listen to sad country songs about allowing them to be little or before we know it, their wedding day would be here. Seriously, it’s a bit ridiculous!
If I allowed you into my thought process (God, help you!), this is what you may hear:
Oh man. Caleb is already going into first grade. How did that happen? How can I stop this from happening? Is he still going to love me and need me and think I’m the funniest person? Will he still want my hugs? Will Rylie start to like boys soon? She already has an attitude, so will it just get worse? Will she still want to hear Bible stories? I don’t want Asher to potty train yet! That means he’s that much closer to being a preschooler! Oh no, Josiah is trying to take his first steps! I don’t know if I’m ready for him to walk yet! He’s not a baby anymore… yadda, yadda, yadda…
What do you notice about every thought described above? They are all passively negative! Sure, I have good intentions behind them. I love my kids so much that I want to enjoy these moments. But guess what? With these negative thought processes, I am robbing myself and I am robbing my kids of being set up for success for what is next. I am allowing worry to seep in and not allow me to fully enjoy fun moments or milestones.
If I constantly dread what’s coming next, how can I possibly enjoy them now and set them on the path for exciting things to come?
The number one thing I hear people say to me when they spend even five minutes with my five year-old girl, Rylie, is this: “Wow. You have your hands full with that one. You better start praying now for when she’s a teenager.” I usually smile and play it off like it doesn’t hurt every time I hear it. (and trust me, it is DAILY that these things are said!) I have learned to shake it off and listen to what God says about my children instead of what others say out of good intentions. Or maybe not so good intentions. Either way, if I allow others’ opinions to shout louder than what God has said about my beautiful children and His plan for them, then I have allowed the Enemy to win.
So, here are few tid bits that I have learned to help my thought life when it comes to my kids and rearing them:
1. Learn to enjoy the present while still anticipating the future with joyful expectation.
I cannot go into the preteen years with fear. I cannot dread the future teen years. I have to approach it just as I would with any new age: with joyful expectation. I cannot allow others’ experiences ruin it for me. If I truly believe that my childrens’ future is in the hands of the Father, then I can be nothing but excited for ages 7,8,9,16,25, and so on. Why shouldn’t it be wonderful? Who says age eleven can’t be an amazing opportunity to go through with my kids? Will it be challenging? I would certainly expect it to be, but something about it gets me excited. I need to trust in the words that God has inspired! Jeremiah 29:11 says it best! God knows the plans that He has for my children. They are good plans. They are prosperous plans. That is where my thoughts need to remain. That is where my thought life needs to rest. Right there in that sweet spot of joy, hope, and peace.
2. Pray for each new age/milestone with expectancy and excitement rather than fear and dread.
Just like I stated in my previous blog about prayer, we as mommies need to pray for our little ones with boldness and power. When I pray for Rylie, I pray that she is always surrounded by wonderful friends who love God. I pray that she always goes to God first for answers. I pray that her future spouse will know and love Jesus. I don’t pray this out of fear though. God did not give us a spirit of fear! So, when you are going to God about your child, go to Him knowing that He has the best plan in mind for that little one. Don’t just pray for safety and comfort. Pray that God will use him/her mightily for His purpose.
3. Choose scriptures that God has given you for your child and read them aloud as often as possible.
When Rylie graduated from Pre-K a few weeks ago, her teachers all highlighted their favorite scripture verses in a Bible and gave it to her as a gift. It is the best gift I could ever think of for my children. Rylie asked me to highlight my favorite verse, and I decided to take it a a step further. I told her that I would highlight my favorite but that I would also highlight the passage that God spoke to me when she was born that is meant for her. So, with excitement, she begged for me to read it. So, each night I read Psalm 139 to her. When we get to verse 14, she always chimes in, “Thank you God for making me so wonderfully complex!” This is powerful because our children hear a lot of things throughout the day. If the last thing they can physically hear before their heads hit the pillows is the word of God, think about how that can infiltrate their minds and hearts. The older they get, the more they will come to understand and claim it in times of trouble, in times of joy, in times of despair. It’s my job to make sure my children know that there is nothing more important or more truthful than the word of God.
4. Be mindful when giving advice to other mommies!
My rule of thumb is that I don’t give advice unless I am asked. And even then, I always preface by saying, “Well, this is what works for me, but it may not work for you.” Just because I have four kids does not make me an expert of anything! I’m sure that when people give me advice about my kids, they are doing so out of experience and good intention. One thing I’ve learned so far is that there are many different, great ways to do this mommy thing. As long as we are seeking God and trying our best to rear our kids with kindness, gentleness and love, then what makes my way better than your way? Instead, let’s be encouraging to other mommies without comparing ourselves or making it seem like we have it all together. We have enough pressures coming our way already. So, when you feel the urge to tell another mommy how YOU would do something, hold your tongue unless you’re asked. Every time we judge, criticize, or give unsolicited advice out of negativity, we plant thought seeds. Depending on how grounded in faith this mommy is, your “helpful” advice could cause her to think negative and destructive thoughts. If I didn’t have such a strong faith in God, I would be that mommy who doubts, fears and worries with everything said to me about Rylie. Instead, I have changed my mindset to believe that God has amazing things in store for my little world changer.
By the way, my new response to people when they say things about how strong-willed Rylie can be is this: “Well, thank you. I take that as a compliment. No world changer I know did anything ordinary.”
That usually gets them quiet. 😉
Can you see the resemblance in these pictures of which is my Rylie Capri? 😉
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